Monday, July 5, 2010

Mama Bear...

OK - so, since 99% of you reading this blog are mothers, I know you understand the "Mama Bear Mode". Well, this Mama Bear was in FULL FORCE Saturday night.

We went to my hometown for our annual 4th of July celebration. We spent the whole day with my family, enjoyed the parade - then headed to the park for the carnival festivities. Cole & Jason had a great time riding rides, while I hung out with my fam in the BINGO tent. At the end of the night a very grumpy old man yelled at Cole for accidentally picking up his plastic hat (Cole thought it was his). Needless to say - Cole ran off into the dark crying & wanted to go home and "neber come back to dis place". The guy was just a jerk - and I told him that, very loudly, in front of the very quiet bingo croud. So, the scene is...a pregnant mama, yelling at an old man with a scowl on his face. Might I also just mention that my hometown happens to be where Jason's Schwan's territory is...I'm certain my poor hubby will have to relive this story 10 times on Friday.

After I got to the car (strongly encouraged by Jas), I started to cry. (I always cry when I'm mad). I was angry that our night ended early, angry that I was leaving my weekend with my family early, and, angry that Cole was sad. After I left a very impulsive post on FB about my evening activities, I realized that I might be mad about something else. Although I try to repress these types of feelings most of the time, I'm very scared inside about what life will be like for Cole. He's very sensitive - and although there are many things he doesn't understand, he also has an amazing memory. As of today...he still "neber wants to go back to dat place" :( Obviously the old man had no way of knowing that Cole lives with Autism, but, I know...and it's hard to separate that from the "normal" day-to-day stuff kids will have to deal with.

Needless to say - I'm sure I have a few things to repent for that came out of my mouth in a fit of anger. And, if I sit and think about it -- I'm still mad at the guy today. Guess I have a few things to think about this week.

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