God, I need your help today.

I always hate when my blog entries talk about bad days with Cole. So many I read are all the positives, and, how great their time together is. But, my goal all along has been to be really honest here - and, maybe someone else who's struggling will see that they aren't alone. And, the honest reality of our lives is that everyday is not peachy.

Today is one of those days. It's more like a rotten potato that you found under the stove 6 months later. It flat out STINKS. And, it makes everything around it stink. (if you can't tell, my mood really stinks today).

Jason got home last night at 1am after being gone since Monday at 7:30am. Cole woke up at 1:30am and wouldn't go back to bed until 6:30am today. I ended up having to keep him home from school, and, I had to stay home from work today too - and, miss something that's important. Jason had to leave again today at 8am, so you can see that there wasn't much happy time in the few minutes we got together this morning. He will do it all over again Wed-Thurs, then 8a-12midnight Friday -- then finally be home for the weekend. This is his job - we know it, it has been this way for many, many years - but now it's harder - because we had a taste of what "normal" families live like.

Cole has really been struggling with his Dad going back to work - he doesn't understand why he has to be gone all day & night. He asks me things like "is Daddy sleeping in his truck?", "did Daddy run away?", and, just tells me a lot how much he misses his Dad. I understand, I miss him too.

So...back to today. Most kids would be tired after no sleep all night, but not mine. He gets HYPER when he's not slept well, and, I don't mean regular hyper...I mean jumping on furniture, running non-stop and yelling for hours on end. He can't help it - his little brain just won't stop. I on the other hand am exhausted, sad & am trying really hard not to yell!

It's days like these that I really need God to lighten my load, because there is no way I can do it on my own.